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| Haven't written in awhile.
A new year starts today. If you don't know why a new year starts today, i ain't going to tell you. Last 2/3 of last year was a struggle, lots of things happened, lots of things changed, just lots. And to start off this year, i need to get alot off my chest and leave it with the year that just passed, to hopefully come upon a better and brighter year. It's all about acceptance, change and resolve, moving forward into new horizons and uncharted territory. Well-roundedness and fulfillment of self, and leaving all the shit behind.
Lots of changes in myself are very apparent now that i look back, some of these are bad, but most of them are good. Becoming more of a person that i want to be. I think and hopefully you agree that people see a noticable difference in me.
It's a new year, a new outlook on things.
Thanks to all who put up with all my shit.
Nickel. | | |
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I've closed it, It's done.
Realization is settling in.
Thyself is coming around.
I am ok.... well slowly will be.
I've completed what needed to be done.
I've seen the faces of disbelief and shock.
And they are no longer accepting.
The pages have turned,
Chapter 4 has arrived.
It's a slow read,
word by word, line by line.
It doesn't all make sense.
To many spelling mistakes,
and grammer is awful.
Worst of all,
Chapter 4 is incomplete.
The storyline is ragged,
the plot is unfinished.
But a sign of hope,
in my hands,
A feathered quill,
and a bottomless jar or ink.
Nickel - Writer of life.
09.30.2004
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| Haven't updated in awhile, but wow what a weekend and a start to the
new week. Weekend was pretty busy, Derrick's stupid birthday and
we went out on friday to Guv, it was pretty fun, reminded me of the
good ol'days. Guv looks pretty hype now. It's a definate
return trip, on the other hand, Lucid isn't, which we went to on
saturday, for Derrick's offiical bday celebration. It was to big,
to bold, expensive cover/drinks music wasn't that great, but i had fun,
mostly because of the company. Well for the most of the
evening. Then friggin stupid Derrick decides to hurt me and joyce
and throw's my ass. One moment i'm paying for parking, then next
i'm on my ass, with my hipbone hurting. Oh did i mention the 2
people watching and laughing and the bum from outside coming into yell
at us? Umm.. ya.. That was quite an interesting
night. Sunday was fun.. had a good time, tried to go down to the
film fest, but everything was sold out or rush line tickets and we
didn't feel like standing in line for hours and not being able to get
tickets so, just walked down bloor/yorkville then queen st. doin some
shoppin'. Had dinner on the danforth, it was funn.
Monday, had my first Cullinary French cooking course. It was
cool, setup was nice and interesting, first cooking course that i've
been in that had plasma tv's in it. The Chef is cool, funny, bold
and doesn't care about measurements lol. My kinda guy. Me
and Christin were starving while he cooked, and the stuff he cooked
just smelt so good. But who woulda known that in Potatoe leek
soup there's like 1 litre of 35% cream. God all this fatty
buttery lard and stuff is gonna make me fat by the end of this
course. But it seems fun and hopefully i'll learn alot. I
get to actually do some hands on cooking next week in lab.
Went to volleyball yesterday, played 3 hours it was good, not use to it
and my body's aching today. Good to see everyone again, and play,
had fun. Hopefully the work to rule stuff won't impact it, cuz i'm
really looking forward to play all winter long. And all i gotta
say Alfred sweats like a friggin pig, everytime u touch the ball after
alfred's touched it... eweee nasty. And the floor looks like it's
just been mopped after he dives for the ball lol. Jokes alfred..
only joking.
I'm over at the main building today and the rest of the week and next
week. Stuck in a small room, closed door working on some
messed up UAT testing. Gonna get fired from it, i just know it
lol. It's sorta boring, but hopefully it'll go by soon.
Hrmm.. wonder what else i can do or enroll in this winter... might be to late. Shit anyone have any ideas?
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| Have you ever wondered why things turn out how they do? For
better or for worse, do we leave things up to fate, or even the hands
of a ever powerful being? Some say it's God, others say it's someone,
or something else. I ain't a great believer in fore mentioned
beliefs, infact i see them as more of scape goat for consequences that
we ourselves have personally caused. Either full knowningly or
being an unwitting participant in such acts leads us always to
consequences that we pay for in the future, but yet we continue, well i
shouldn't say we, i should say i continue to spiral down that
path. As Chad Kroegar say's in the song that just came on "How
the hell did we end up like this?", all i can say it's all me. As
happy or unhappy that someone's life is, the only one that made it that
way is that person. Sure there are many factor's that have
contributed to the state of someone's well-being, ie. friends, events,
achievements, tradgies, family, society. But even so, everything that
happens whether it's external forces or influences or internal ones
that impact our feelings and happiness, there is a common denominator
which has over all control, and that common denominator is
yourself. I'm quite a cynic atm, when it comes to stuff like
this, but the truth of the matter to put it bluntly is you can only
blame yourself for letting things get to you, for being emotional, for
events that has lead you to the point in your life. If there's
really one thing that i've learnt is that your own independence is
one's only salvation. And what i mean by that is, really the only
one that you can count on is yourself to make you the most happiest
that you can be, and then nothing else will really matter.
Everything that someone is today was made possible by their own efforts
and achievements, or disappointments. I guess when we let someone
into our lives to share who you are with them, you forget the fact that
it's not them that made you who you are, they just like what you made
yourself into.
Nickel.
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| Can't run much anymore, knee hurts to much afterwards, so i've decided to turn from running to cycling. It's much easier on the knees' which is quite good for me. But that also means i have to mind my time at the gym, since i have to use the cycling bike there, and i don't have my own. And i'm not willing to fork out 2-3 grand for one.
I know i haven't updated this for awhile, but it's been a very interesting rollercoaster type week, with many lows and highs. But i've been slowly accepting the fact of certain things and coming to terms with myself. This weekend itself has enlightened my thinking alot, in terms of what i thought i wanted or needed to what i really want and or need and what's missing. And i guess slowly but surely everything will fall into place as needed. | | |
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